Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have aggressive nipples.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we're so committed to being not committed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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