hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
