She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
