Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
