She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
