I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
