You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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