now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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