youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
