She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
