I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't notice because vodka
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
