Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize