K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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