I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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