Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
