I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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