well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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