I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You're like the curious george of whores
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
