So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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