I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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