Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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