im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize