weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
