Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
