I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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