I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
