His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
