laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
