Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
