I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
