i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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