He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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