Barsexuality is the new black.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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