So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
how drunk are you?
Several
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
