I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
