His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
