If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
