youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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