the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
