my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
