in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need water and some morals
These tits shall not be calmed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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