She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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