yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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