Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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