i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
