I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
