I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
