I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
