I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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