I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
