Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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