hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
