You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
