I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
