she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize