Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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