Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
