You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I lost the right to judge tonight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize