M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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