If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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