Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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