have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
