the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
