he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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