No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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