You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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